6 Ways Your Childhood Could Be Impacting Your Relationships

6 Ways Your Childhood Could Be Impacting Your Relationships

We all have the need to feel safe, secure and useful.
Do you ever wonder why you do the things you do?
Do you ever wonder what is it that makes you who you are?
Do you ever wonder: Who am I really? What’s really going on for me?

When I refer to ‘Parents’, it is whatever caregivers you grew up with (everyone is different and has different parental influences), for ease I will refer to them as Parents.


Trust is the basis of any relationship. Perhaps you struggle trusting others as an adult. What happened as a child that impacts this trust? Maybe an experience or belief around being neglected, abandoned, criticised or abused? Often the skills our parents had also where imparted from their childhood experiences and passed on to you. So just imagine how your parents operated with the skills they had at the time. They didn’t know how this transferred to their children, they loved their children in their own way. But there was a lacking of unconditional love through learnt behaviour!

Unconditional love – insecurities = great relationships. Mistrusting others around us is a way we protect ourselves but there are better ways to be protected from those we love.

Some of you may really connect with one or two or more of these situations. Of course not everyone has such affects that carry on into their current relationships. But if you can relate to any of these and it can help you recognise places to make changes to support more rewarding relationships, then congratulations to you. It will be worth it!

What protection are you putting in place that isn’t serving your relationship?


Levels of intimacy and vulnerability are built on the foundation of trust. When growing up did you feel unsafe opening up and being yourself, did you feel misunderstood or dismissed?

Was nothing you did good enough for your parents? So then, how do you feel comfortable and confident in yourself now?

How then, if you are always protecting yourself, do you interact intimately with your partner?

Your partner may be craving connection with you, but you don’t even realise how often you may dismiss or deny the intimacy with them.

Noticing the opportunities your partner is putting out there to connect is a great start.

Considering why you are not willing to open up in that moment may open a door you didn’t even realise was locked.


Each person brings different interests, perspectives, weaknesses and strengths to a relationship. You might like some things your partner offers, like being a great cook, making you laugh, getting on well with others, but can’t stand their music taste or the fact that they are so interested in games or react too quickly at times.

Some conflict in relationships is expected, and there are ways to handle it so it doesn’t destroy your relationship.

Relationships can become stronger if partners can talk about differences as a part of their relationship. Respectful communication and a bit of give and take is vitally important.

Being aware you have expectations and what they are helps. Do you need those expectations to be met by your partner?


Pulling Away  –  When you feel the overwhelming sense of panic when you believe your partner is pulling away or leaving you – it may be irrational but in those moments your brain isn’t able to reassure you that you’re just being irrational.

Abandonment when growing up, can trigger this upsetting feeling and the need to repair the issue IMMEDIATELY. This may push your partner away if they are needing space.

So what if you need to talk NOW and your partner needs space?
If you need the reassurance, you have a much better chance of getting that if you respect your partners need for space. Asking your partner to let you know you are loved when they need space to calm down and process the situation causes more conflict. Hear them and respect that. Your turn will come sooner rather than later.

Shutting Down  –  Now if you’re shutting down a lot and need time to process or get away from your partner, maybe you struggle with conflict. Maybe you grew up with a lot of conflict or maybe a little or no conflict. Either way you were likely not taught how to effectively argue and repair.

You may become triggered by a perceived attack, threat or rejection and go to SHUT DOWN to protect yourself.
Taking time to recover may be necessary and ok – but what if your partner thinks that you don’t care about them when you shutdown?

As with pulling away, letting your partner know you love them and that you just need some time to process and work through the situation.
Self-reflection and exploration is necessary for healthy relationships. It brings about self- awareness.

Reasurrance  –  Whether it’s because your parents were helicopter parents or because they were abusive or absent, we subconsciously develop a sense of insecurity and doubt ourselves.
Maybe you weren’t given the reassurance as a child that was important for you to feel a sense of confidence in yourself to explore and make mistakes? Maybe you weren’t even acknowledged or maybe you where validated TOO much?

How does this impact your relationship? You may find yourself being really defensive and feeling insecure. Instead of giving your partner an opportunity to reassure you, you push them away. Maybe they can’t actually reassure you at that time – whatever they do just isn’t good enough for you.

What do you want to hear what they say?
What is your self talk when you find yourself feeling insecure?


Depending on how much love, time and attention your parents gave you, the involvement in your life affects how much time and attention you put into your relationship.

From a young age you learned to fit in, play a role in your immediate family, to be whatever the family unit needed you to be.

Since you are so used to being in a certain role within your family, you may look for and find partners that keep you stuck in that role (with no self-awareness of this fact).


So how do you become aware of how your childhood affects your relationships…

Listen to what your heart is telling you.

What are the thoughts that are repeatedly coming up for you?

What then do you use as your defense mechanisms?


Beware – Forgiveness Brings Happiness

Beware – Thought provoking information below:

Wikipedia explains forgiveness as: the intentional and voluntary process by which a victim undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense, lets go of negative emotions such as vengefulness, with an increased ability to wish the offender well.

So let’s look at that in more detail.

Victim – there’s a tip.  I’m imagining if you are reading this you may have had a time were you felt like a victim!

What is it do you think that stops you from forgiving someone for bringing hurt/harm to you?

You may think that forgiveness encourages the wrongdoer to keep hurting/harming if not you but maybe others.

You may feel a little responsible yourself.

You may find it hard to forgive yourself at other times, let along during these times.

I wonder what is your reason for keeping the feeling of being wronged close to you.  What are those feelings protecting?  Strange way to think about it.  But what if there was another way you could feel – would you want to feel differently?

Who is really hurting you by holding onto the pain and memory of the hurt.  YOU – you are becoming not only the Victim but the Persecutor as well.  More on this to come, keep a look out on my website.

If you were to look at forgiveness differently and start by:

  • forgiving yourself for feeling the hurt
  • forgiving yourself for sadly not being able to help the other person to change
  • forgiving yourself for not being able to teach them to be a better person
  • forgiving yourself for only being the expert on your life and not having the power to change others
  • forgiving yourself for wanting to NOT feel the hurt anymore
  • forgiving yourself no matter what

Forgiveness – A Gift for You

I’m not talking forget or condone the person’s behaviour.

We often think of forgiveness as a kind and compassionate act towards someone who wronged us.  Although this can be true.  The best part about forgiveness is the health benefits physically and mentally for you.

Forgiveness plays a major part in your happiness and can aid in improving depression and anxiety.

Forgiveness can lower your stress by reducing your heart rate and generally supporting a healthier you.

When you hold onto the hurt feelings and remember the pain, your insides are festering and it will make you sick at some point.

So I’m talking about forgiveness from a different view.  I’m talking about forgiving yourself for not being in a position to do different, to be able to stop that person’s behaviour, to stop that person from hurting you, to stop that person for not being good to you.  Dealing with what has happened to you may require more support – support is out there, please ask.

What if a way to start healing the hurt was to work on forgiveness?

I’m talking about moving yourself through the pain, working with the power you have.  Only you can heal the pain.

How is it that even an apology from the person may feel insincere?  How is it that it really doesn’t matter what the person where to do – it is totally up to you as to what you do with their behaviour, words, whatever is is that they may offer up OR NOT.

View forgiveness as something for you, not a gift to someone else, but a gift to yourself.  When your fears to forgive come up, recognise these fears (further information can be found on Facebook: @lifefulfilmentcoachingandhypnotherapy).

You are worth it  ♥   You are worth this Gift  ♥ Give it to yourself  ♥

Keys to Forgiveness

Feeling like the anger and bitterness towards someone who has done you wrong is eating away at you?

Feeling so undervalued, disrespected and unappreciated?

Anger is so time consuming and energy zapping.  Your body is in pain, your muscles spasm, your head hurts, you either over eat, or can’t eat, can’t sleep or even function like a rational human being.

Sometimes/often you may let that anger and hurt out and you sound and behave like a raging monster being unleashed from within.

You’ve got good reason to be feeling so terrible at times.  You are not who you want to be.  You are not being the person that makes you feel good inside.  Your power is being handed over to the other person.

Read on to master the keys to letting go of the hurt and being true to your happiness.  Letting go will alleviate the anxiety that builds inside, will relieve those feelings of hurt and frustration.

🗝 KEY 1
Your well aware of the importance of letting go and moving on.  And knowing the reason you are suffering is because of the attachment is the first key to your overall peace and success here.

You’ve heard the saying energy goes, where energy is put.  So focusing on stress, anger, negatives – that’s what you’ll get.  So you know what’s next – if you are focusing on being positive and love, everything that is good (because let’s face it there is always good) will bring you positive, happy & good feelings.

You cannot focus on a problem and find a solution – but focusing on the solution will find a solution, or many in fact.

🗝 KEY 2
Resentment is such a heavy weight to carry.  What would you prefer to carry?  Imagine yourself being like water, dissolving the resentment like crystals, or floating it away.  Manipulate that resentment, play with it like a balloon – allowing it to float away or pop it with a pin.

🗝 KEY 3
Embrace curiosity over shame.  Be curious about your behavior, feelings.  Be curious about how you want to feel, think, behave.

Often what we see in others is a reflection of ourselves.  That does not mean that we are like them or have the same behaviour as them – it just means if something irks
you about them there is something inside of you that needs attention (by you).  So stop blaming others and focus on understanding yourself.

You always do the best you can, with the skills you have at the time.  So then if your best is not good enough at that time, your skills need to change.  More on that later.

🗝 KEY 4
More importantly though – everyone only ever operates to the best of their ability, with the skills THEY have at the time.  When you think about that – this means those who have hurt or caused you pain, sadly really don’t know any different – WOW when you really give thought to that, THAT IS REALLY SAD FOR THEM, that they don’t know any different, they don’t know how to behave any different, they don’t know how to think any different.  Wow how unfortunate for them.  With empathy behind you – you know have more skill to be able to

Stop being like them with these limiting skills, limiting behaviours, limiting beliefs.  More importantly stop imposing your own values and beliefs onto others.  If you are feeling like you are not being heard, or being disrespected, maybe stop and and see if you are having the need to tell people what to do.

🗝 KEY 5
Lastly stop looking for reasons to be unhappy, hurt, disrespected, annoyed with how you are being treated.  Just stop looking.  What I mean by this is we can tend start to see things that maybe aren’t fully there, but we can start to see them and then wow there is that energy again.  Start seeing the love for you, the love for others, really open those eyes and start looking.  You will be amazed at what you find. ❤


This is the reason you are struggling emotionally and feeling undervalued…And the feelings of anxiety and stress are coming up, making you feel horrible.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful, if we lived our lives, full of passion and purpose? To wake each day, feeling happy and alive! Excited and motivated to live the day with the greatest capacity?

Wouldn’t it be completely fulfilling, to work and play in line with what you truly value?

Creating passion and purpose in our lives can be absolutely achievable, when we become really aware of our personal values.

What is it specifically, that you value? Is it Family? Career – change and variety, meaningful work, achievement? Creativity and Fun? Health and Fitness? Work/Life Balance? Something else? Becoming clear about what you really value is the first step toward achieving a fulfilling life and getting rid of the anxiety that builds up in side or worse hits you all of a sudden. When you start making daily choices around how you spend your time based on what you really value – your whole being is aligned and working at its optimum. Are you spending too much time doing things that you don’t value at all or worse still, make you feel undervalued? Are you spending enough time, if any, doing the things that you do value and that does make you feel valued? Shifting what you do – so you spend more time doing the things you value – creates fulfilling, happy days … creates passion and purpose around your daily lives and helps eliminate the anxiety that builds up inside subconsciously.

Where do you see yourself in time to come? Say at the end of the year, in 2 year’s time, in 5 year’s time? What do you want? Having a clear vision around what you want for yourself, in your life, creates an open door to begin walking through. Is your vision in line with your true values? Knowing where you want to go is the first step towards realizing it. When you know what you want, you can then start to align your daily actions toward achieving your vision. Are you spending your days doing activities that are not in line with your vision? Are you doing and being what and who you need, to live in line with what you want? Truly living in line with your values?

So, having a clear vision of what you want and knowing what you value in life are amazing skills to hold, so that on a daily basis, you can act in line with these. Understanding and knowing these will help you create passion and purpose in your life.

BUT most importantly it will help eliminate the anxiety and stress that is consuming your mind and body. That’s got to be worth it! More to the point YOU’VE got to be WORTH IT.

So, who do you need to be, to do what you need to do, to have passion and purpose in your life?

Life Fulfilment Coaching & Hypnotherapy have a 4 step program which eliminates Stress, Anxiety & Fear and supports you to recognize your values and live life true to your values.

Prioritise Your Time

We all lead very busy lives. We just have too much to do and not enough time in which to do it. The result is that we end up stressed. This month I want to share with you some of the things I do to manage my time.

There really are only 24 hours in a day. You have to sleep, eat, exercise and relax as well as meeting all your commitments. So be realistic in what you can do and do not take on more tasks than is humanly possible.

“No – Unfortunately I’m not in a position to do that” or “No – sorry I do not have the time!”

If you are in a business and you have staff under your control, make sure you delegate. In your household – delegate.
Sounds easy ….but is often hard because you think it is easier to do it yourself than take the time to train someone else.
Remember we all had to learn sometime. And what a great opportunity you are giving your staff and family members to learn, develop, grow and feel great about achieving new things. People like to feel needed and responsible.

Schedule time first thing in the morning or last thing the previous day to jot down those things you have to do and then prioritise it. This becomes your action worksheet. Commence working from the most important task down so that by the end of each day, you have made significant inroads into the most important items on your list.

It is easy to jump over an item that you would rather not do – most of us are tempted to do this from time to time. The skill is to ignore the impulse to skip the task and just knuckle down and do it. You really will feel better for doing it. I have some great tools that can support you further with this.

So there it is – 5 simple steps to optimising your time.
Try it and let me know how you go!

Stress and Relax

A lecturer, when explaining stress management to an audience, raised a glass of water and asked “how heavy is this glass of water?”

He continued “The absolute weight doesn’t matter. It depends on how long you try to hold it. If I hold it for a minute, that’s not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I’ll have an ache in my arm. If I hold it for a day, you might have to get an ambulance.”

He Continued “and that’s the way it is with stress management. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won’t be able to carry on. As with the glass of water, we have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again.”

So we all need to find time to put our burdens down and relax


Here are some steps to help you relax

1. Make time to relax each day.

2. Get comfortable. Sit or lie down and close your eyes

3. Imagine a soothing restful scene e.g.: bush or beach

4. Start to relax all the muscles in your body by tensing and then relaxing them.

5. Begin with your toes and work through your body until every muscle is relaxed.

6. Next, concentrate on your breathing—slow and deep, slow and deep.

7. Clear your mind by only concentrating on your breathing

8. Spend at least 15 minutes on the above each day.

If you would like to discuss creating the time to relax and more relaxation techniques —please give me a call.

Click to contact me

2018 Full Steam Ahead

Mid January already…Where have the past three weeks gone !!!??? Have you noticed that the older we get the quicker the years seem to go? Possibly a result of our ever increasingly busy lives.

I hope you had a great Christmas and New Year – I certainly did. The New Year is always a time for reflection and planning. Planning our dreams and aspirations for the coming year…or more. I hope that whatever New Year’s resolutions you chose, you have achieved ….or you are still on track to achieve them.

Give me a call for tips on how to keep focused and motivated.

So what does 2018 hold for you?
Through these blogs, I want to share some of my thoughts with you on what we can do to make our lives awesome.

Healthy Mind = Healthy Body

I honestly believe that a healthy mind is the key to a healthy body. In fact, statistics show that the majority of medical dollars are spent treating disease, and most experts believe 90% of diseases are due to stress.
Reduce stress and your health improves because you significantly reduce your chances of disease.

So what is STRESS ?

Stress is not the challenges we face in our lives, it is the way we react physically and mentally to these challenges.

Give me a call if you would like to discuss this further


Dejavu – are you still where you were this time last year.


What’s holding you back? – Get a coach to move you!


Our 4 Step S.A.F.E. program is your key to success.


Having a coach gives you an edge over someone without a coach – in your career, in your business and in your personal life.

Having a coach means having an edge.  An edge that will have you steps ahead of others.

An edge that gives you strength, direction, confidence, and empowerment to handle anything in your business and personal life.  

An edge that will drive you forward into life, maximising your fulfilment and happiness.


The Benefits include:

  • Emotional Intelligence and Empowerment to really be YOURSELF
  • Increased Work Success and Direction
  • Improved Financial abilities
  • Better Relationships with all those around you
  • Spiritual awareness
  • Intellectual Empowerment
  • Improved Intimacy and Connection
  • Increased Physical Wellbeing


Book your coaching sessions now!

Click to move forward and achieve your goals!


Fear & Excuses

Right now I am going through a huge change in my life. It is a very exciting time but also a demanding and challenging time. At the forefront is the fear of the unknown, fear of just “what have I let myself in for?”, fear of not succeeding, fear of what others will think.

Oh it would be so easy to just find all the excuses why I should do something else. I could easily convince myself that I don’t have the skills, that I don’t need the angst in my life, that it is all just too hard, that for whatever reason it would be easier to do something else.

Have YOU ever faced a fear and then looked for excuses to avoid facing the issue?
Here are some steps to help you face those fears and avoid making excuses:

  • Accept that making excuses is not being true to yourself, family or friends.
  • Focus on your goals and believe in yourself to achieve them.
  • Realise that you have the power to think and feel how you want to.
  • Make a commitment to take FULL responsibility for your life. That means no more blaming anything or anyone. Not your fear, not your parents, not your circumstances, not your spouse, not your children, and certainly not your age.
  • Get inspired. Associate with people who inspire you, who are a good influence on you.
  • Appreciate YOU. Take time every day to appreciate your innate gifts.
  • Fake it till you make it. Pretend to believe, stay POSITIVE and eventually you will BELIEVE & BE.
  • Just do it! As Nike says, stop making excuses and take a small step today. Not tomorrow. TODAY.

As for me. Well I accepted the challenge, overcame my fear and I am now enjoying the fruits that the change has brought to my life. You can do it too.

Life Rewards Action!!